Ramon's Dream

A full two months have passed since I last saw my flock and I had begun to despair that I would never find them. Last night, however, I received a sign, certain and true, that my quest was nearing its completion. In short, I had a dream.

In my dream, I was exhausted from months of wandering so I perched upon a board to rest my weary leg. Suddenly I was enveloped by a light so glorious and restorative that I knew it had to emanate from powers great and mystical.

As the light subsided, I saw that I was not alone. Looming around me were three great and golden flamingos. I had never seen such giant birds and yet I was not afraid. I knew that they had arrived to help me.

Suddenly, the first one nodded at me and I sensed he was waiting for me to speak. "Oh great one," I whispered, "can you help me find my true love?"

Cryptically he answered:
"If you want to find your heart,

Find the gnome who's mum yet smart."

"Yes," I cried, "yes, I want to find my Nancy. She is my heart of hearts."

Then the second great flamingo spoke:

"Be very sure you want to see

Your true love, for where e'er she be

She may not fill your heart with glee."

Finally the third golden bird intoned:

"If you're sure that she's been true

Loving no one else but you

Then find the tower that leans toward Rome

That's where the gruff gnome calls his home."

I awoke with a start. A gnome? A tower? Towards Rome? What did this mean? Although I have moments of cryptographic brilliance, I realized that solving this puzzle would require some research. At the first light of day, I set off for the local bastion of all important information: Barnes and Noble.

I spent the next few hours perusing the travel section, searching for the location of a tower that leans toward Rome. Fortunately, I am a tenacious and resourceful researcher, and before the end of the day, I found my next destination.

I quickly set off to find my mystery tower. However, as I neared the shoppe exit, I happened upon a lovely cafe with a delectible display of blueberry scones and a cozy window seat waiting to be filled. For a brief moment I was conflicted, but then thankfully I came to my senses. I nestled in the window seat and ordered a scone and a steaming pot of Earl Grey. Rome, the city eternal, will still be there tomorrow. These scones, however, will only be fresh today.

And so until tomorrow, I remain,

Ramon the Flamingo

A Chicken Story

My dear friends,

Please accept my deepest apologies for disappearing from view. The weather has been terrible and Bathos hid the car keys. I am determined to continue my quest this weekend, but in the meantime, please enjoy this other avian adventure. Bathos takes great comfort in knowing that she is not the only bird brained woman on this planet.


http://stampeaz.blogspot.com/2009/02/overdue-chicken-update.html

Day 23

President Obama and I parted ways this morning after a very fruitful conference. I'm thrilled to report that after careful consideration of my opinion, President Obama reversed the United States' policy on limiting mercury pollution worldwide. As the Environment News Service reported (http://www.ens-newswire.com/), "Before astonished environment ministers attending the United Nations Environment Programme Governing Council opening session in Nairobi today, the U.S. delegation endorsed negotiations for a new global treaty to control mercury pollution, to begin this year." I am honored to have played such a key role as the lead presidential advisor on this issue.




I had the President's limousine take me to a location where I believed I had seen a flock of flamingos. Alas, they were merely Canadian geese, but as they are known for their lovely cocktail parties, I decided to follow a few to attempt to procure an invitation.


Incredibly, the geese rejected my attempts to join them. Each time I took a step closer, they retreated twice as fast. As I am a gentle and graceful stroller, I was never able to reach them, as seemed to be their intent. My what a snooty lot! And although I am not one to gossip, these were certainly the messiest birds I have ever encountered. Their trail of fecal matter gave new meaning to the phrase "loosey goosey."

I am starting to despair of ever finding my flock! Moreover, as spring is nearly upon us, I feel my need to breed growing stronger each day. Where, oh where is my beloved Nancy? Perhaps the fates will smile kindly upon me tomorrow.

Until then, I remain,
Ramon the Flamingo

Day 22

My quest has been briefly put on hold. I met up with President Obama as he was in Chicago for a brief respite from politics. Upon seeing me, he requested my assistance with developing his avian relations. He was concerned that his focus has been too much on green policy, and not enough on pink. I will be in private meetings with him today, and so,

Until tomorrow,
I remain,
Ramon the Flamingo

Day 21

I hope you can forgive me for not writing sooner. My adventure was so utterly exhausting that I required time to refortify. Fear not, I am back, ready to share my tale.

Befriending the Dog was one of my more brilliant strategic moves, if I don't say so myself. I pray that by impersonating me she did nothing to besmirch my good name but that was a risk I was ready to take in order to make my escape. So great was my desire to find my flock that I was even willing to risk humiliation. And so I departed for the highest location I could fathom: the Sears Tower. At one time this monolith was the tallest building in the world, so I was sure that I would be able to spot my flock from its majestic height.

Perhaps the best way to relate this adventure is pictorially. I will try not to be too verbose (although I do not believe verbosity is a negative trait; words are, after all, the bedrock of true expression), and let the pictures tell the story.





And so here I am on the train heading into the city. I was fortunate to procure a window seat.










I used my superior navigational skills to find the Tower and followed the signs to the observatory.








Although impressed by the security required to enter the building, I became distraught once I learned that I would not be allowed to hop through the metal detector like other monopeds. Instead, I was forced to lie on the conveyor belt to be x-rayed.

You can be certain that my solicitor will be informed of this disgraceful treatment, and legal action will surely ensue.





The observation deck afforded me an excellent view of the city from all directions. However, even though I can proclaim my eyesight to be perfect (this be not a rotomontade; it's a fact), I was unable to spot individuals from such a great distance.




Fortunately, I could avail myself of the telescope.









Eureka! I believe I have found them! Now if I can only figure out exactly where they are!






But first things first. I took advantage of my proximity to the Four Seasons to procure a civilized meal. On the menu today: east Indian shrimp curry with peas, accompanied by a lovely Montrachet.





I do hope to report on my adventures anon. However, as Bathos' step-daughter is currently in labor, my access to the computer might be limited temporarily. Do not fear as I will definitely return just as soon as flamingoly possible.

Until then, I remain,
Ramon the Flamingo

Day 20

Um... Hi. I'm Ramon the Flamingo. Pip pip cheerio and all that. Umm... I like to each shrimp. Where's my tea? Don't I have nice pink feathers....

Okay, okay, I'm not really Ramon, and I can't believe I let him talk me into this. What a stupid idea. Anyways, Ramon is gone. I don't know where he went. I think he said something about getting high, but I'm not sure. He hardly ever uses words I understand. So, I'm going now. I have to sit. Or lie down. Maybe shake. Who's got a cookie?

Day 19

Sometimes in these uncertain times, flexibility and adaptability are necessary to cope with unexpected occurrences. Fortunately, I am both flexible and adaptable (not to mention attractive), so I was able to amend my plans without difficulty. Here is what happened:

I woke up this morning to an extraordinary change: warm weather. The sun sparkled in the deep blue sky and the air was a balmy forty five degrees. Dare I say it felt nearly tropical? To celebrate the lovely weather, and to adorn her otherwise drab residence, Bathos moved me back to the front. (I assume she knew that my presence would help abate the recent drop in neighborhood property values.) But precisely because I was back in the front (so to speak), and because the weather was so crisply clear, I would not have been able to make my escape unnoticed. Thus I decided to remain at my post for one more day and hope that an opportunity for my liberation would present itself anon.



As it were, the day turned out to be rather enjoyable. Rosie the Dog (she despises the moniker "Cujo") and I had a rather pleasant conversation, although she did employ an overabundance of monosyllabic words when speaking. Bobo stopped by briefly and chattered on about some nonsense or other. The content of his speech was irrelevant; I was happy just for the companionship.

I did, however, have several disconcerting moments throughout the day when I was sure I was being spied upon. Neither the dog nor the tree rat admitted to seeing anyone, and so I must believe that the tribulations of recent days contributed to my sense of discomfort.

Tomorrow, if the weather should take a turn for the worse, I will once again attempt to find a place of great height from which I might discover my flock. Wishing you all a pleasant evening,

I remain,

Ramon the Flamingo