Oh dear reader, I do not think it possible for me to be any more humiliated than I am at this moment. Tethered to a post like an animal! Horrors! To make matters worse, Bathos has endeavored to provide me with nourishment, but where, I ask, is the china service? The Wedgwood plate? The linen serviette? I frequently serve my guests shrimp on ice, but never on the ground. This woman is a barbarian. And to add insult to injury, there is not a drop of cocktail sauce to be found.
Thankfully I have a plan to extricate myself from this embarrassing predicament. Evidently Bathos is unaware that the Greater Caribbean Flamingo, of which species I am a member, possesses nineteen elongated cervical vertebrae. This particular trait accounts not only for my delicate long and sinuous neck, but will allow for my twisting out of this binding shackle. By tomorrow, I will be gone once again. I trust you will keep my secret.
And so, I remain,
Ramon the Flamingo
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